starving for love
Life when I was growing up was very hard. My dad was a window-cleaner and there were good times when we had hot meals and decent clothes but then there were the other times when for weeks and months he drank and there was no food because all the money had gone.
I can still remember what it felt like to go to school hungry and go to bed hungry too. I could never go to parties, I had no decent clothes to wear and my one dress had to be washed out overnight when it got dirty. My mum was a proud lady and would not ask for any help so I couldn’t even have dinner at my friend’s house. Although our house was always spotless, she wouldn’t allow us to have friends round to see how poor we were.
I enjoyed going to Sunday school and I knew that God was real. I remember seeing Him answer people’s prayers. My mum was very superstitious and fearful. She went to fortune tellers and was terrified something dreadful would happen to us. My parents finally divorced when I was sixteen. I had to do a lot of housework and help to look after my sister and two young brothers. I had no life of my own, I was so unhappy all I wanted to do was leave home.
My friends were Christians and when I was seventeen we all went along to some special meetings in Birmingham where I was then living. I asked Jesus to come into my life, although I didn’t really understand what it meant. I wanted a better life and I felt that he would help me. I asked him for a proper home and a family.
Although sadly my dad died in an accident shortly after this, my situation began to improve. I left home and trained to be a nurse, a job I loved, then when I was twenty I met my future husband and we married two years later. We had two little girls and I was happy, I had everything I’d ever wanted. I had stopped going to church but I wanted them to go to Sunday school as I had done. It was very hard to go into a church as I didn’t know anyone, but I found a good church and started to go regularly. I hoped in time my husband would come too.
We had just moved into a nice new house and I was working part-time when I found I was expecting twins. My security felt threatened and I wondered how we would cope. I learnt gradually to depend on God but later when we moved to Wales, shortly after my mother’s death, I became ill and had a breakdown. I spent a lot of time in hospital and didn’t want to face anyone but my middle daughter persuaded me to go to a lively church nearby. The pastor prayed with me and instantly I knew that God had forgiven all my sins. I had not really known this deep down before. It was a marvellous experience.
My husband also knows Jesus now and we have learnt a lot together. I still have ups and downs but I have seen God look after me and provide for me through it all. I am much more secure as a person and confident in His love. I feel His presence whenever I need Him, giving me hope and comfort.
Annette